Taylor Swift, Parasocial Relationships and Toxic Fandom

I've been a fan of Taylor Swift for about ten years. I've been a superfan for almost four years. I've posted before how I got started following her and became a fan of her music, but not I have a strange, intense devotion I have with very few people I know let alone a celebrity. What's weird is for most of my 52 years on this rock, I didn't focus so much on celebrities.

Yes I have my favorite artist, bands, actors, and such, but I never paid much attention to their day to day lives. Yet Taylor somehow has captivated me like very few people could. Though based on her famehe seems to have done that with a lot of people. Mind you this isn't a bad thing, there are much worse people to fawn after. And Taylor is human and has her faults like anyone else. We just love her anyway.

So what is the deal?

The Illusion of Relationship

In her earlier years being famous, Taylor would be on Twitter and Tumblr and interact directly with fans, she even got to know some fans. Some with health issues she would helpe with medical bills or even pay them a visit.

She also had her Secret Sessions, which was before an album release she'd select a group of fans to bring to her house where she would bake them cookies, have a listening party and tell stories. I couldn't even imagine being in on something like that.

The thing is, this was a pop star doing something nice for her fans. Some of these fans took it as they were now besties. This reared its ugly head the most during her Eras Tour when she dated Human Cigarette Matty Healy for a few months. As you can tell, I don't like him either, a lot of us didn't for a lot of reasons. However, Taylor is a grown woman and can date who she wants.

One segment of fandom actually wrote her an open letter detailing their "concerns" about Healy and wanting Taylor to answer for her choices with the hashtag #Speakupnow. They even did the little infographic in the purplish Speak Now color scheme.

As you can imagine, Taylor ignored it. She even addressed stupid things like this in her song "Daddy I Love Him" with the line:

God save the most judgmental creeps
Who say they want what's best for me
Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see

Sadly the folks that was meant for, it went right over their heads. Months later they wrote another open letter, this one I don't even remember what it was about. It had something to do with the NFL and her going to games I think. It doesn't matter. The fact is these people are so parasocial they think because they buy Taylor's music and merch they some how have ownership over her life.

Shared Narrative and Identity

One thing I love about being a Swiftie is the sense of community. Our local Swiftie group here in San Antonio is a great group of people who has always made us feel welcome and cared for. They hold dance parties and meetups every month or so and its just a great group to connect with and share community with. Community is something that is desperately needed right now.

In her song "You're on Your Own Kid" she mentions a friendship bracelet as a throwaway line pretty much, but the Swifties turned it into a whole movement. Now I see people sharing bracelets at Horror conventions and other artists' concerts. I don't mind places are doing this and it started with Taylor. I think its great everyone has implemented this into their own community. I will say I've been involved with various communities online and in person and the Swiftie community may be the most caring.

Weaponization of Intimacy

Here Comes the darker side of this community. People who have been Swifties for a long time, who bought the most merch or even who have met her sometimes start to think they are now Taylor's "protectors". They have their own idea as to who should be a Swiftie and who shouldn't they try to dictate what makes a real fan, who should be allowed to attend concerts and then also try to bully or control Taylor herself. It sounds laughable, but they do it and I see it all the time.

But being a fan in any fandom doesn't come with rank. There is no time in service or seniority like its a union shop. I know hardcore Swifties who never met Taylor and who have bought very little merch because they can't afford it. They are still just as much Swifties as anyone else.

Taylor has her own security that probably rivals the Secret Service. And these guys have been with her for years, so they are loyal. She doesn't need us to protect her or gatekeep her fans. She'll be fine without any of us slamming a 16 yr old online for not being dedicated enough or for knowing the bridge to "Mister Perfectly Fine".

The worse part of this in my opinion, is the "we were all rooting for you" mentality I see among so many Swifties. Just like in the Matty Healy ordeal. When "The Life of a Showgirl" dropped, I saw people I thought were longtime Swifties turn on her so fast. The album is as she describes it "A Glitter pen" album. Its full of bops and bouncy tracks. Its 180 degrees away from The Torture Poets album, but both are beautiful in their own way. But a segment of the fandom wanted more Tortured syle music. So the attacks began.

The craziest was how Taylor and Travis are MAGA Nazi Conservatives because she wants to get married and have kids, and talked about Onyx Night in Opalite. Onyx if you don't know is a black gemstone. So people said this was referencing a black person or persons and was therefore racist. Mind you the majority of the people I saw saying this was white women.

The other crazy thing I see is the "Stans" which goes beyond Swifties. In my case, I realize not everyone will vibe with Taylor's music and that is fine to not like it. Usualy if I see outright personal hate or attacks on her I'll just block or mute the person.

The Stans on the other hand will dogpile on anyone even with legitimate criticism or just saying the album wasn't for them. Its made even crazier that now Taylor is so big, websites will put her name in a story that has nothing to do with her or will trash her in a hit piece just to get clicks and ad revenue.

While that stuff is infuriating, I don't see it as our place to attack these people. Taylor doesn't even go after them. We should be happy she is so relevant they need to invoke her name at every turn. The more she's in the news, the bigger her profile is.

Once again, if I see a website or person with some trash take on how Taylor is racist or baking bread like she does makes her MAGA then I mute or block. Its pointless to even argue with these people who I don't even think believe most of the crap they are saying. Don't even get me started on her private jet usage, which isn't even that bad in the scheme of things, yet some people act like she is directly spraying cyanide into the atmosphere.

Conclusion

I know I kind of scratched the surface on a lot of these issues, but I just wanted to touch on several things. I could write a whole book about this topic. But that would be a lot and kind of depressing. I know a lot of us are aware of these issues, but thought I would lay them out there so we can know what to look for. As well as catch ourselves if we get caught up in our own toxic behavior. The world is already on fire right now, we don't need to add to it by throwing gasoline on things that are supposed to be fun.